That big spark manage to re-ignite the fire within me. Now that the flame's burning, my love for C2 has been revived. But I remembered that the deal I made with Voice was that I was to give up on C2. But right now, I have to convince Voice that my love for C2 is true now that I have emotions. Hopefully, Voice will trust me on this, and let me do it my way this time. But still, I have to sincerely thank him for enabling my emotions. Thank You.

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:23 AM

Today at 5.46p.m., I received a message:
Hey, YOu Kian boon rite???

I did not know the person's identity and thus I did not reply. instead I tried calling the number a few times but there was no answer throughout the five calls I made.

Next message came in at 5.49p.m:
Why dun we juz msg???yOu lyk my gan mei Calyn rite???cause she told me

Still, I did not reply to the message and continued to call the number.

Next message came in at 5.51p.m.:
is tat ur house number???

I made up my mind not to waste messages unnecessarily, so I did not reply to his message. I resumed dialing the number and finally the person answered (Note: I have made the conversation to as proper as possible):

Me: Urm...may I know who you are?
Unknown: People call me Kit-Kat.
Me: I do not know anybody by that name.
Unkown: Of course you don't know me.
Me: Okay, how may I help you then?
Unknown: I am Calyn's brother. You like my sister Calyn right?
Me: Who's that? I do not know anybody by that name?
Unknown: Calyn told me that you give her a hello panda ( he said wrongly, it was a yan yan) and you gave her a pink wallet for her birthday.
Me: No, I don't remember giving anybody those stuffs.
Unknown: Oh............*quiet*...Okay then......
Me: Uh...Actuallly I lied just now.
Unknown: So, do you like Calyn?
Me: Uh.........yeah....I confess...
Unknown: Do you want me to help you?
Me: Uh........actually i would like to try on my own first.
Unknown: Oh...okay...
Me: May I know who are you?
Unknown: Raymond
Me: Another nickname of yours?
Raymond: No. That's my name.
Me: Oh, okay and also thanks anyway. Is there anything else?
Raymond: No.
Me: Okay then, bye bye.
Raymond: Bye.

After the calls, I manage to get his e-mail through calling. And we agreed to chat online tomorrow afternoon or night. I did a further research and found out his name: Raymond Liew Chin Kiat. He graduated last year, his 2009 class was: 4Seek3. In addition to that, I was told by Kah Shin that Raymond was Jaime's ex-boyfriend. Also, if I remember correctly, Raymond was the one who shouted Kira Yamato whenever he sees me in 2007 as in that year, I created a Gundam topic at the Pioneer Place forum.

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:22 AM

I went to ask Samuel regarding how he thinks of me and he answered with the following:

Positives

* I lent him homework to copy

Negatives

* I'm a bastard ( E.g. Whenever I'm told to shut up in Mother Tongue, I will rebel )
* I am weird ( Sometimes I will smile or laugh to myself )

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:21 AM



Guess I need answers from others about how they think about me in order to know what kind of persona I am being viewed by them. This should be able to enable me to improve myself based on the feedback provided by people within my Circle of Concern. There is a possibility that I am presenting the wrong persona that I intended which then leads to misunderstanding. Well, if you are reading this, please provide truthful answers without any hesitation for my feelings if I were to ask you for your views. Thank you.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:20 AM



A: Do you think this feeling that I am troubled with is true?
V: The love you have for someone may likely be true if you did not complicate it with logic.
A: Should I take action then?
V: Go ahead and we shall see what happens.
A: That's your plan? I do not have faith in that. What's more, if the source is true the situation will become a triangle love. My protocol will not allow me to hurt others.
V: Well, that's your logic stopping you. So, if you want your emotions to be true, you have to break free from logic. The source might not be true either.
A: Even so, I need to confirm if my emotions are true before I make a decision on whether or not to take actions. In any case, I do not wish to hurt others without a valid reason.
V: Love has no reason. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
A: So, you're telling me to follow my desire?
V: Follow where your heart goes.
A: My heart is always non-moving inside me.
V: Whatever, I'm getting tired of this.
A: ...Thanks anyway...I think I'll observe the situation for the time being to confirm on my emotions.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:19 AM



This was just plan that I randomly thought up quite some time ago before I fell asleep. Project P.B.: A real life simulation in order to collect data on how to become a remarkable boyfriend.

In order to do this, volunteer(s) ( females only) will be required to go into an artificial relationship with Kian Boon. The guideline period for each simulation is 1 week.

Volunteers may:
act normally as they usually do in order not to feel awkward
give any valid commands to Kian Boon
customise Kian Boon to their likings

The persona has been created for the simulation. General settings are set to default and Volunteers may change them to their likings. Kian Boon will be testing out the emotions on the volunteers.

In order to activate the persona, please tell Kian Boon: "Start Up 1602".
Thank You.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:19 AM



Well, just yesterday I have renewed my love for C2. Thus I decided to propose to C2 formally this time. But the answer I received was that she already has someone whom she likes. Thus I wish her good luck bid farewell for the day. I was deciding what I should do: To give up on her or to continue going. But while thinking of that, I can feel the jolting pain within me. However, I've come this far and I'm sure I can take this pain. Thus in the end, I decided that I will continue to chase for her. Perhaps till my time runs out...

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:23 AM

I have finally figured out a temporary way to deal with the issue: To focus on C2. Somehow now I think I will be deceiving myself but there's no other easier way other than this. I know that this may break the deal of Voice indirectly, but it's just temporary and hopefully it all gets well soon.

Secondary Option:
Using logic to search for a suitable target that is of C2's caliber. ( This mainly means that someone who is not easy to chase and also not that hard that will make me feel impossible.)

Tertiary Option:
Slowly look for someone that may be T.O. using my feelings. (However, I will need some time to get use to it before being able to begin so as to maintain accurate result.)

Quartary Option:
Initiate Project P.B. ( Definition of P.B. will be revealed in the next post: ACT 94)

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:18 AM



Currently still trying to contain myself in order to maintain my whole self. But somehow inside me there is a feeling that may be called as a desire that wants be to be myself instead of being what others want me to. This feeling is attracting me to be myself and stop my control over myself. So, I guess tomorrow's Mother Tongue lesson, I will need to control myself even more in order to prevent myself from losing it.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:17 AM



Since I've obliged to give up on C2 due to Voice's deal and also the awakening of the emotions, the search for T.O. has begun. In order to maintain the friendship between my friends and I (specifically the Chinese females), I have decided to quarantine myself from them to prevent a possible spark from occurring until I can figure out a way to solve the issue. Previous attempts to seek love has resulted in hatred being born within me (perhaps that's why the previous me decided to throw away the emotions) and the friendship being broken. That is more the reason why I should quarantine myself from my Chinese female friends. I don't want any of the history to repeat itself again.

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:16 AM

Well, I decided to take up Voice's offer on Saturday after taking such a long time to consider. Right now, I feel weird and unstable perhaps due to the emotions starting to act up. But Voice assured me that it will be alright as it will take some time for me to get use to these changes. But Voice suggested to me that I should start anew in order to optimise the effect of the awakening emotions. Voice also said that since I did not start anew, there will be times when my logic will crash with my emotions.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:15 AM



Well, if you're trying to prove to me that you do not need emotions with that plan, then I will say that you will fail. The silly plan of yours is just breaking too many of your so called protocols. Also, I know that you will not break the protocols. So, just give it up, accept my offer and start anew. After all, that should fit in your logic now right?

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:14 AM



Some of what Voice said seems to make a little sense. Voice's offer of emotions to me seems to be quite nice and important. But something came across my mind, emotions are classified into two groups: Positive and Negative. So, if I were to regain my emotions, that includes positive emotions and negative emotions. Negative emotions are of no use to me, except that it will allow me to be more humane. But do I really have to possess true emotions in order to be considered as a true human? Even if I do not have emotions, I think I can still do what others with emotions does. I can already imitate the features of true love, so that should mean that I can be the same as everyone else. If I have to go to an extend to prove it to Voice (perhaps everyone else too), I think I will do it. Voice, I will prove it to you that I can perform as well as a true lover.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 1:13 AM



V: You are still wasting time pondering over whether to give up or keep going for C2. My advice for you is still the same: Give it Up. But this time I am providing you with an extra reason to do so. If you give up, you will be able to obtain the emotions that you lost.
A: ...I don't remember my emotions...
V: You lost it some time later after Crisis 1. That's the reason why you don't have anymore hatred towards her after that till now. You said this before losing the emotions: Emotions is like double-edged sword, it can make you feel alive or it can make you feel dead. That may be the reason why you chose to lose your emotions. Right now, you might think that you have emotions, but you are just simulating them up for show. Thus you can be classified as a living dead or an empty shell.
A: ...I don't remember saying those either...Also, why should I trust you?
V: You are dying right now, so you might as well take my offer and stay alive. And if C2 is holding you back, just dump it. You are using logic in love and that's not true love. You do not possess emotions either, in that case then how can you love someone?
A: ...I don't know...But I've been waiting for C2 for such a long time and I believe time will reveal the truth.
V: Right now you said that you are waiting for her, but is it for love or is it for proving your belief?
A: I can't give up for C2 like this...
V: See? That's because you cannot fail to prove your belief. What's more is that even if you got back your emotions, you will not be able to win her heart. I will advice you to start afresh once you get back your emotions. Is it worth to sacrifice everything that you have for a girl that can't be bothered with it?

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 12:36 PM



Stupid Xeno actually believed the quote from the handbook of some silly workshop. The quote may be used in life but it's stupid for someone to actually apply it for relationship. When fire is dying slowly, the quote actually made the fire regain the will to fight for survival. Now because of that, my time may have to wait and I don't intend to let that happen after such a long time. Xeno stop having your silly beliefs or thoughts just because of a stupid quote. The true strength that you are trying to prove will not be seen by C2 and you are just wasting your time and energy. Right now, it's actually right to just give up instead of just wasting time and energy just to complete the journey to C2. Give it up.

Labels: ACTS, Voice

Posted - 10:30 PM

Initially, I was truly running low on fuel to burn for C2. However, today I read a quote in a handbook from the Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group:
" Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
After reading the quote, I wonder whether I should give up and then I think perhaps I have enough energy to hold it together for some time. Thus, regardless of whether the quote applies to this kind of situation, I shall simulate the results and most likely I will proceed with it.

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 10:03 PM



Guess I'm seriously to be sabotaged for twice in a row...I'm nominated/sabotaged for the Class Chairperson for 4V8 same likewise as last year. Actually everything was going smoothly and the two person were selected after voting for the Class Chairpersons. Out of a sudden, somebody shouted out my name followed by more and more...After that, the Class Councilor ( Mdm Farihah), decided to re-vote for the positions, this time with my name inside. Then I was chosen for the Class Chairperson seat and I tried to reject it by telling the Class Councilor that I was nominated before last year. But Mdm Farihah said that that was last year and this year is a fresh start. After hearing what she said, Voice acted up again and said that what Mdm Farihah said was right and furthermore I should test out myself with this KB 2010 (1).

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 4:40 AM

I went back to review on my first post in this blog and I was shocked to see that the past me actually wrote something that emotional ( somehow I feel disgusted by it). After reading some posts, I thought of why I feel disgusted and I came down with one conclusion: That is the previous KB and I'm different from it. Now, I'm running under KB 2010 (1) and everything seems to be normal and hopefully this goes on for some time.

Labels: ACTS

Posted - 4:34 AM



Seems like I'm running low on fuel and I cannot last much longer for C2...I tried to make all sort of spark to burn the fire, but all of it does not seem to work...But it's nobody's fault for this except for me. Consequences have caught up to me now after so long, I thought I might succeed but seems like I was wrong. Right now, thanks to Voice's numbing, I only feel a bit of the aftermath. Currently, I have two choices:
1) Give up on C2 voluntarily now
2) Continue to last for as long as I can

Giving up now will allow me to recover quicker and restart everything all over again. Proceeding to last for as long as I can will only just waste my recovery time. However, I think right now I shall stick with choice 2. I guess my current attitude may be naive but that was how I was customised for C2. In addition, I need to calculate my estimated time of recovery.

Labels: ACTS, C2

Posted - 1:00 AM